My Husband's Birthday and a Personal Note on Family

My beloved will be turning 30 on January 27th, and I cant believe how fast time flies, especially when your having fun ;) We had a small party for him at his parents house this past weekend and many of our old friends came over to reminisce! We have all known each other for at least 14 years and it is amazing to see how everyone has changed and gotten older ;) and that includes us! We have been through so much together and I am thankful that our relationship continues to be exciting and keeps growing stronger. My husband and I were very young when we got together and we never really discussed having a family or and dreams we had for ourselves or each other, we pretty much just went with the flow. With time, we have learned so much from each other and throughout the years we have created goals and dreams of how we want to live and raise our family. The other night we just sat in awe looking at our four children playing, laughing, smiling and having a good time together, after a minute we looked at each other and realized "this is the life we were meant to have".

Co-Sleeping Mama

Co-Sleeping

Ok, so I am a co-sleeping mama and I love it! BUT since my youngest was born we have been sleeping with both her and lil J in our bed and although it is a king size, it’s not nearly big enough for the four of us. It’s totally unfair for me because I always end up with one leg hanging off the bed while everyone else is laid out however they please. SO, this past weekend I made my hubby set up the convertible crib (which none of my kids really used) into a toddler bed; from the beginning we told lil J that this was going to be his big boy bed and if he didn’t want it we could give it to his baby sister , well that always works because he hates to give her anything! The first night, he was ok until we turned off all the lights and then he was like “ok the games over mom, scoot over”; so last night we decided to wait until he fell asleep to turn off the lights and sure enough he fell asleep. Unfortunately, when he woke up to go potty during the night he got scared and wanted to come into our bed which was ok with me because we are making some kind of progress right? I'm hoping that each night gets better so that eventually we can switch him to his bedroom and transition the baby into the convertible crib (wishful thinking?). I LOVE sleeping with my babies, it gives me peace of mind and I think it helps me bond with them more, especially since I work outside the home but my oldest 2 slept with us until they were 4-5 years old and I definitely don’t want that to happen again!

My dilemma: SAHM or WOHM

I will start this by saying that I don’t think either of the two situations is better than the other; all parents have a unique set of circumstances that drive them to choose one over the other, and I genuinely believe that in the end we make the “right” decision for our families. That said, my only experience as a SAHM (stay at home mom) has been when I gave birth to my first child in 1997, I was home with her for approximately 6-7 months and unfortunately “had” to work due to our financial situation. Since then I have been home for a couple months at a time after giving birth to my subsequent children, and my return to work after maternity leave has been more difficult each time. In theory, I would LOVE to be home with my children, and do all the things SAHM’s do, like going on field trips, participating in school events, driving everyone to soccer practice, having dinner ready every night, scrapbooking (I have tons of scrapbooking materials sitting in a box in the garage) and everything else you can do as a SAHM! My dilemma lies in not having the financial resources to do all the “other” things I would like my family to experience, I love taking trips to Disney and Mexico every year, eating out at nice fancy restaurants, going shopping when one of my girls has a really bad day at school etc.; and then there are the things I don’t want to give up, like Starbucks, shopping, shopping, and shopping! I know, it’s all me and I’m selfish but I can’t help it and honestly, I don’t know if we could make it financially even without the extras I listed above. I’m jealous of those whose spouses are rolling in the big bucks so they don’t have to work, unfortunately for me that’s not going to happen anytime soon. I don’t blame my husband; I have just become accustomed to a somewhat materialistic lifestyle that I know I shouldn't have. Every time I’m on maternity leave I try to live like a SAHM to see if I can handle it, but I end up spending way much more because I have more time to eat out, shop and just spend! Seriously, I would LOVE to be home with my children, but I also like being independent, feeling accomplished, and having a job that I LOVE. I torment myself everyday for making the decision to continue to work and maybe one day I will eventually decide to be a SAHM but for now I just pray that this won’t be one of the things I regret most in life.