Why I want a tubal reversal

I said I would go into more detail about this in my New Year’s resolution post so here goes nothing!
I will begin with just a little bit of background. I had a c-section with my first child in 1997 due to breech presentation, but then went on to have 2 successful VBAC’s (vaginal delivery after c-section) in 1999 and 2005. Unfortunately, I had a really hard time finding a doctor to attempt a VBAC during my last pregnancy and although I ended up finding one, he chickened out and didn’t tell me until my 39 week appt! Needless to say, I wasn’t able to find another doctor to attempt a VBAC and ended up having a repeat c-section. My first thought’s after finding out I had to have another c-section were "NOOOOOO, WHY????????, WTFFFF, and then after a good nights rest they were F%$# and B@&*&!!!!!!!!!!! I was PISSED and considered not showing up for the surgery but they pulled a fast one on me and convinced my husband that my anemia, and low blood sugar (which I had no issues with during the entire pregnancy) were becoming a problem and told him I had to be delivered ASAP, and since you cannot induce a VBAC patient my poor hubby fell for it. For those of you who have only experienced vaginal births, let me tell you how fortunate you are! Having a c-section has been one of the worst experiences of my life, and I don’t just mean it because it’s a major abdominal surgery and it hurts like hell, but because my heart hurt much more than surgery itself afterwards. One of the greatest joys for a mother is to be able to give birth to your child the way nature intended and not being able to birth naturally somehow makes me feel like a failure. OK, I got sidetracked for a moment there, can you tell it still bothers me?????
So, once I was FORCED to have a c-section I decided that I didn’t want to ever have one again and thought the easy solution was to have a tubal ligation since they were already going to cut me open. I can honestly say today that having a tubal ligation was the biggest mistake of my life! I regretted it the moment I came out of the delivery room and ended up having to battle postpartum depression for several months. It is hard to explain just how I feel because of the tubal, so I will say what many other women in similar situations have said to me " I just don’t feel whole", I feel like im less of a woman. Also, there is that possibility of wanting more babies later in my life ( I know my husband would love more). The second part of my regret stems from my religious background, and that’s all I will say about that! I don’t know if I will want more children in the future, but I do know that I want to have the option if I choose to do so, and most importantly I want to feel "whole" again!